Published on January 14th, 2014 | by Chrissie Collins0
The Art of Marriage – Communication
With the “breaking news” of the most recent separation of Mike Comrie and Haylie Duff, I am once again reminded of how marriages in Hollywood seem really superficial. It’s hard to write about this because I really don’t like to judge others and I really don’t know what is going on behind closed doors. But come on… they make better friends? Guess what, my husband is my best friend (most days)!
Jay and I have been married sixteen years and some of those were better than others. When we brought children into the mix a whole new dynamic was created, and that has been the biggest test of our marriage (so far). My life changed dramatically and my husband’s didn’t. He still went to work, golfed and played hockey. I got up, changed diapers, fed the baby constantly (day and night), cleaned and cooked all while trying to keep the baby entertained. Don’t get me wrong, my life is great and I wouldn’t change it for the world, but it is an adjustment and one that is very skewed between a couple.
When the kids are little it is difficult to make time for your partner. Your husband is no longer the center of your universe: you have little ones that need you constantly and you have guilt pangs if you leave them too long. Now that our kidlets are older it is easier to make time for each other. We no longer need to make all the necessary babysitting arrangements for a “date”. This saves us a great deal of money and now we are able to go out on a whim, not having to plan for it days or weeks in advance!
My one piece of advice for couples considering marriage is to communicate with your partner from the beginning. Before you tie the knot, have a conversation (or two) about what the roles you see for the both of you when you bring your little ones into the world. Not just if one person will stay at home, but get down to the nitty gritty: feedings, changing diapers, grocery shopping, cooking, helping with homework and extra-curricular activities. Have a plan but make it a flexible one.
Of course having children isn’t the only event that can create strain on a marriage but it is one that affected mine. I am thankful everyday for my kids and my husband (even when I am mad at them). They fill my heart with love and happiness that I couldn’t imagine living without.